Ever since I can remember, I have always been worried about "falling behind" my friends and my peers. Always worried that I needed to keep pushing to go faster, I believed (and sometimes still do) that I needed to accomplish everything before everyone else did. Now, at an age where college graduation is steadily approaching, I have begun to worry about the future. I truly would love to attend graduate school this fall and have submitted an application for a program that I believe suits my needs and interest, however, I can only wait and see whether or not I will be accepted. I have been trying to think of the likely scenario that I will not get accepted this year, which in the beginning was very difficult. Not only would it be a rejection, but I would be falling behind. My peers would be going to grad school and here I would be left behind and, in many ways, I would feel like a failure.
However, the more I thought about it and talked with my siblings and friends, the more I realized that I have been looking at it all wrong. Lots of individuals (especially in the program I am interested in) attend graduate school in later in life and they are in no way failures. Therefore, why would I consider myself a failure for taking time before pursuing grad school? In school, there was always the mentality of needing to be first and of performing better than everyone else, which made it difficult to just enjoy life. After my time in Japan, away from the stressful environment of the American education system, I have begun to realize how important it is to just enjoy this time in college. Taking the time to just breathe has shown its effects in my grades and has allowed me to form better relationships with other individuals. I think a lot of my difficulty with going slow has been due to this mental schedule of my life that I have created, such as "married at so-and-so age," "own a house at so-and-so age," and et cetera. I keep rushing towards this timeline I have constructed, without really thinking about why I am do so and what effects it has.
One aspect of CLP that I truly enjoy is how members truly enjoy taking the time to just talk and discuss about a wide variety of subjects. When we work, we work hard, but we also realize how stressful it can be always pushing forward without taking the time to just soak it all in. I think the weekly intern meetings help us all stay grounded and connected to one another, even when our personal and school lives head in different directions.
Instead of just rushing because I am fearful of being left behind, I am hoping to better enjoy life, its experiences, and the amazing people I meet. A place I enjoy being is at the airport because it is a location where you cross paths with people not only from different walks of life, but different countries. I love just sitting and watching everyone pass by as I realize how amazing it is to have these brief second relationships with these people. We may be hurrying to different places in our lives, but it is nice to take the time to actually look at people and to connect for that brief second. I am only one out of a billion plus individuals on this planet and it is a shame that I never spend the time to just look at people. Instead of rushing, maybe I should take the time to just look and observe. At the end of the day, I will still accomplish what I set out to do and will not be any less of a successful person for slowing down to enjoy life.
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